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Jet Fuel Formula Episode 21: The Earl and the Squirrel or The March of Crime/Transcript
Narrator: '''Well, that mighty monarch of the seas, the S.S. Andalusia, is plowing on her way to Pottsylvania, home of the mysterious mooseberry bush. Little does Bullwinkle know, as he basks in the sunshine, that right beside him is the very bush our heroes are seeking, disguised as Sir Thomas Lippen-Boris' Uncle Chumley. '''Bullwinkle: ''(to "Uncle Chumley") Nice day, ain't it? ''(beat; to himself) ''Must be deef. ''(to "Uncle Chumley") ''I say, "It's a nice day!" ''(to himself) ''He ain't deef, but he's pretty dumb.. '''Narrator: '''Meanwhile, Rocky has started for a turn around the deck with Sir Thomas and Lady Alice, who bear a striking resemblance to his old enemies, Boris and Natasha. '''Rocky: '''Come on, Sir Thomas! This sea air's wonderful! '''Boris: '''I say, slow down a bit, old plum pudding. We must catch a spot of breath, eh what? '''Rocky: '''Okay, how's this? '''Narrator: '''But the pace that Rocky set was still too fast for the spies, and as much as they wanted to get near him, he was always just a little too far ahead. ''(Boris picks up ventilator and tries to catch Rocky, but catches himself instead) Natasha: 'Boris, I can't go on. '''Boris: '''What's the matter? '''Natasha: '''My feet are killing me. I am used to high heels. These shoes are too comfortable. I can't stand them. '''Rocky: '''Come on, Sir Thomas! '''Boris: '''Can't right now, old bean. Just remembered. It's time for tea. Cheerio! '''Rocky: '''Okay, I'll see you later! ''(to himself) ''Gee, he's a nice guy for a duke. '''Narrator: '''Back at the deck chair, Bullwinkle was still trying to start up a conversation with Uncle Chumley. '''Bullwinkle: '''So that other feller says, "That's funny. You don't look Chinese." ''(laughs) ''Ain't that a... ''("Uncle Chumley" is still silent) '''Bullwinkle: ''(to himself) Well, maybe not. Thinks he's so smart. Won't even laugh at my jokes. ''(to "Uncle Chumley") ''Okay, don't talk. See if I care. You're just a sorehead. And I'll tell you it's in your face, too. '''Narrator: '''And Bullwinkle pulled away the handkerchief over Uncle Chumley's face. '''Bullwinkle: '''Uh-oh. That there is a mighty sick uncle. Tsk, tsk, tsk. Look at that face. It's green. Covered with little red spots, too. I wonder if he's catching. ''(Bullwinkle runs off to tell Rocky; cut to Boris) Narrator: 'A short distance away, Sir Thomas was gleefully boring holes in the bottom of a lifeboat. '''Boris: '''Did I ever tell you, Natasha? I got a medal in drilling holes at U.S.C. '''Natasha: '''University of Southern California? '''Boris: '''No, Urkrainian Safecracking College. ''(cut to Bullwinkle running to Rocky) 'Bullwinkle: '''Rocky! Rocky! '''Rocky: '''What is it, Bullwinkle? '''Bullwinkle: '''It's Uncle Chumley! He's got a bad case of the red and green uglies, and... ''(an alarm rings) '''Bullwinkle: '''Rocky, listen. '''Narrator: '''Just at that moment, a loud bell began to ring close at hand. '''Boris: ''(on loudspeaker) Lifeboat drill! Lifeboat drill! Take your stations! Take your stations! '''Bullwinkle: '''What is it, Rock? '''Rocky: '''It's lifeboat practice, Bullwinkle. Come on, this is our boat. '''Boris: '(on loudspeaker) ''Mooses and Squirrels first! Women and children next! '''Rocky: '''Let's get in. Gee, it's getting foggy. '''Narrator: '''Little did our friends know that the voice on the speaker was that of Sir Thomas Lippen-Boris, who waited just out of sight with a pair of cable snippers. '''Bullwinkle: '''Wait a minute! What about poor old Uncle Chumley? '''Rocky: '''Get him, Bullwinkle! '''Narrator: '''In an instant, the moose had grabbed the disguised mooseberry bush and dashed back into the lifeboat. '''Rocky: '''Don't worry, Uncle Chumley. You're safe with us. '''Bullwinkle: '''Oh, he won't answer. Just sits there like a vegetable. '''Boris: '(on loudspeaker) ''All set in number 5? '''Rocky: '''All set! '''Boris: '(on loudspeaker) ''That's nice! '''Narrator: '''And the wily spy cut the cables holding the lifeboat on its davit. ''(SPLASH!) 'Rocky: '''Hey! ''Help! HELP! 'Bullwinkle: '''Moose overboard! '''Narrator: '''And a moment later, Sir Thomas Lippen-Boris was waving farewell to the leaky lifeboat as it drifted away in the fog. '''Boris: '''Cheerio, Moose! Goodbye, Squirrel! Peep-peep, Uncle Chumley! ''(stutters) ''Uncle Chumley?! '''Natasha: '''Boris, what have you done?! '''Boris: '''Done? I've destroyed my own flesh and bush! '''Narrator: '''Well, our heroes have the mooseberry bush, but what good is it a thousand miles from nowhere? Listen tomorrow for ''Adrift in the Mist or Fog Groggy.